Wednesday, September 2, 2009

KC's Top Five Frightening Figures

I'm KC, and there's nothing that combines my two loves more than a Star Wars-themed episode of "Ace of Cakes." And I'm an Anomaly.

Now, I know a lot of you have seen District 9, and everyone has been saying it's the best movie of the summer and that I must see it ASAP. And I believe you. I really, really do. But there is a strong reason why I haven't seen it yet. It may be a silly reason, but it is a strong one, and it is this:

The aliens seen in the trailer frighten me.

I can hear you giggling. And many of you who have already seen the movie have told me that they are "creatures you pity" or "they're sympathetic." That's great, but that doesn't change the fact that they look like bugs, which also frighten me. That, and I'm strongly suspicious of aliens that are deemed as good. Even E.T. is an outerspace being that I have issue with... (I don't care how innocent he looks when he's pointing and saying his cute classic lines, he's up to something.)

That doesn't mean that I don't want to see District 9 and other movies like it, I do. It's just that it is quite difficult to be a sci-fi fan and not be able to expose yourself to quintessential movies like Alien because you have had the same tolerance for what are universally called "scary movies" since you were five-year-old. But there have been some times when I go to a movie which I do not discover until thirty minutes in that there is a fright factor. Wait, scratch the "some times," revise as "many, many times."

Here are some of the top five creatures/people/monsters that frighten the frak out of me, in no specific order.

The Pale Man (Pan's Labyrinth)
Now, there were a lot of characters in Pan's Labyrinth that gave me the willies. The Faun was particularly creeptastic, and Captain Vidal is by far one of the more lecherous villains I have seen in film. However, I think we can all agree when I say that the Pale Man trumps them all in the "Most Likely to Give Viewers Nightmares" category. I mean, c'mon. He eats children and his eyes are in his hands! And leave it to mastermind Doug Jones to create the smooth movement of a true monster, which he has also done for various characters in the Hellboy movies. Oh and he also played one of the Gentlemen in the Buffy episode "Hush." So, yeah, Pale Man. No. Just no. No, no, no, no, no.

The Joker (The Dark Knight)
I don't know about you, but none of the Batman villains ever scared me. I knew that they were crazy, but they never seemed truly threatening. Even arch-nemesis, the Joker, seemed to lack this serious feel. Then Christopher Nolan revived the Batman film franchise, hired Heath Ledger, and all of a sudden you've got one of the most unforgettable and disturbing cinematic performances in history. I'm still trying to muster up the courage to watch The Dark Knight again, simply because it scared me that much.

Frank the Bunny (Donnie Darko)
To this day, I still freak out whenever I see a rabbit mask of any sort. I don't know if I can describe why Frank scares me so, mostly because Donnie Darko is worth seeing and I don't wish to spoil a thing. I can't even think of a logical reason of why this character scares me except for the fact that his costume is downright freaky. However, I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to see anybody in this costume on Halloween night.Ever.

The Orcs (The Lord of the Rings trilogy)
...'nuff said.

Ewoks (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)
You laugh, but these creatures are terrifying. To the eye, they look like hobbit-sized teddy bears. But these little furry devils are a primal civilization that can mess you up. And people tend to forget that they almost ate Han and Luke. Like, for lunch! If Luke hadn't used the force when he did, he and Mr. Solo would have ended up as soylent green for the Ewok diet. So look into those beady little eyes and tell me that they're cute now.

So there you have it. Those are currently my top five freaky nightmare-inducing characters. Silly to you, maybe. But to me? They must be dealt with. Hardcore.


Sue said...

Word. If they don't look scary, I can usually deal. Like The Silence of the Lambs (and tie-ins) - no problem. But loud noises and scary looks - no good.

Gerald ;P said...

You make a good case for all the "scary alians" in your post. The one on E.T. Made me Seriously LOL. I mean why should we believe what the Hollywood directors believe are friendly. You know who I don't trust, that needy bug eyed alien aboard "Flight of the Navigator"! Creepy little sucktion cups... Eeeeuuwwww. Don't touch it!
Oh, and that Falcore from the "Neverending Story". Uh, ya, I'll walk, thanks anyways... ya fang tooth abomination. :P

Archangela said...

KC, I completely agree. This was a great post. I know you were sticking to cinema, but of TV I the The Gentlemen would be on the list. And the Orcs are the reason I worry about watching LOTR with the babe in the room.